WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
Christmas day, unwrapping a present and finding a purple bear. That was awesome
I wear my failure like a shroud, so it haunts me.
I’ve learned how to tune it out though.
So even when i’m going down the same road doing the same shit
I can tell myself “you’ll make it out, you’ll be fine”
All’s well that ends well.
But my well is slowly drying up
it used to be a fountain of hopes and dreams
now it’s a weary eye sore, a reminder of what should be
Who I should have been
Where I should be right now
I wear my anguish like a crown
So proudly atop my head
And when I look into his eyes
the reflection of it makes me so angry
Angry that I wear my ignorance to his feelings like the diamond ring he’s been hiding in his car for the past eight months
Like the, bracelet he gave me on my birthday with three charms that said to “never give up”
Angry that when he confronts me, just wanting to know whats up..
I brush him off. I push him away.
Because I don’t want him to notice my ignorance
I don’t want him to take in my anguish
I don’t want him to really see and digest my failure
and i don’t want him to ever, ever share my explosive anger.
I should burn it all.
Burn the crown, the shroud, the bracelet, the ring.
Let it all burn to fucking ashes
and from them, arise a new me.
One who is not afraid of the fall, or the impact.
Imagine me, being brave, or courageous.